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From: Internet Oracle
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To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu
Subject: Internet Oracularities #1449
Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu
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=== 1449 =================================================================
Title: Internet Oracularities #1449
Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler
Date: Sun, 28 Dec 2008 12:18:04 -0500 (EST)
To find out all about the Internet Oracle (TM), including how to
participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help"
in the subject line. ("Internet Oracle" is a trademark of Stephen
B Kinzler.)
Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities
on an integer scale of 1 ("very bad") to 5 ("very good") with the
volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to
this message). For example:
1449
2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1
1444 32 votes 03ce3 3676a 14ae3 287b4 1g753 1965b 049c7 039aa 39c53 013ee
1444 3.5 mean 3.5 3.4 3.4 3.2 2.8 3.5 3.7 3.8 2.9 4.3
--- 1449-01 --------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: Tim Chew
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Peerless is the Oracle, he is unmatched in excellence and wise
> beyond measure,
>
> Quantum and statistical methods have had great success modeling
> virus evolution. Can such techniques be used to model more complex
> systems such as bacteria and pathogen evolution?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} If that's your thing. I'd rather see them modeled by Tyra Banks,
} especially in an off-the-shoulder over-the-spore clingy little number.
} You owe The Oracle the opportunity to contract that one
--- 1449-02 --------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein)
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> The Oracle's question queue is getting rather dull. Help spice things
> up for everybody and do some tell mes instead of ask mes.
>
> Dear Orrie,
> what the hell?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} 17'5 \/\/h47 01d p30p13 54y 1|\|5734d 0f 'h311'.
}
} u 'O' 7h3 0r4c13 10 f001!5h \/!rg!nz.
--- 1449-03 --------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein)
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oracle most wise,
>
> Will I waste the next year as well?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Hmm...
} Hmmm...
} Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-
} mmm............................................................-
} .......................................................................-
} .......................................................................-
} .......................................................................-
} .......................................................................-
} .......................................................................-
} .......................................................................-
} .......................................................................-
} .......................................................................-
} .......................................................................
} The Oracle has pondered your question very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} VERY deeply. And pondered it, and pondered it,
} and pondered it, and pondered it, and pondered it,
} and pondered it, and pondered it.
} I suppose that, if my theory is correct, and it is true that
} my theories often are, then to answer your question, and I
} *do* assume that you want an answer, then Yes. Yes, yes,
} yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
} YES. Because, if you spend your time reading E-mails like
} this, then you're time will be very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} well ripped-off.
} You owe the Oracle something that is
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very,
} very good.
--- 1449-04 --------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: Ian Davis
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oh Oracle most wise,
>
> Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darkens our skin?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} The darkness to the skin has to come from somewhere! Through a complex
} process, the sunlight shifts the dark from the hair to the surface of
} the skin. This is why really light blonde people don't tan, but burn.
} They have no dark to move.
--- 1449-05 --------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein)
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oh Wise and Wonderful Oracle, who looks nothing at all like Mel Blanc,
> please deconfuse and unfuddle this poor lowly supplicant. I was just
> watching Star Wars for the 3,729th time when it suddenly occurred to
> me that Yoda sounds an awful lot like Fozzy Bear! What's going on
> here?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Very perceptive, dear supplicant. Yoda lived long ago in a galaxy far
} away, but the hyperspace travel made it possible for Yoda's
} great-to-the-17th level grandfather to make it to earth and sleep with
} Gentle Ben's sister. The family was no stranger to the entertainment
} biz, either. Grandpa Yoda loved telling jokes to the crowd. "Into a
} bar, three men walked. Ducked, the 4th one did. Yes, hmmmm." He also
} had the same drive to hog the spotlight. Yoda found himself barred from
} a great many establishments after a disagreement with Mr. Hutt. "please
} Mr. Jabba, the Jedi Master his own show you should give!" You owe The
} Oracle a treatise on Over, Under and Through.
--- 1449-06 --------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: Mark Lawrence
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Should I get up earlier?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Only if you want worms. You owe the Oracle a late late bird
--- 1449-07 --------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: Tim Chew
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> SUPER
> MARIO BROS.
>
> Copyright (c), 1984 Nintendo, Inc. All rights reserved
>
> One Player or Two Player
> >1
>
> Cobblestone Path
> You are on a brick path. There are small green hills in the distance.
> A lone cloud drifts by in the sky.
>
> >West
> A mysterious force blocks your path
>
> >East
>
> Cobblestone Path
> You are on a brick path. A golden box embossed with a scrolling
> question mark hangs in the air. A small platform made of alternating
> Terra Cotta bricks and golden boxes floats in the air just beyond the
> first, with a fourth golden box suspended above the platform.
>
> There is a GOOMBA here.
>
> >Jump on GOOMBA
> You jump on the GOOMBA which smashes out into a sickening putrid pulp
> for 100 HP. Damage.
> HP: 100 GP: 0
>
> >Hit Box
> Which Box do you wish to hit?
>
> >Hit first Box
> A great golden coin leaps out of the box and dissolves into the air.
> HP: 300 GP: 1
>
> >Hit second Box
> The Terra Cotta brick explodes in a nova of dust.
> HP: 350 GP: 1
>
> >_
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} > Ask GOOMBA for tax receipt
}
} The goomba is too dead to notice you.
}
} > e
}
} Cobblestone Path
} You are on a brick path. There are small green hills in the distance.
} A lone cloud drifts by in the sky.
}
} > e
}
} Cobblestone Path
} You are on a brick path. There are small green hills in the distance.
} A lone cloud drifts by in the sky.
}
} > e
}
} Bowsers Castle
} Bowser sits next to a button.
}
} > Hit button
}
} Gotta go through bowser.
}
} > Jump over bowser
}
} You are now through bowser
}
} > Hit button
}
} Bowsers dead. You killed him you sick killer!
}
} I WANT YOU OUT OF MY OFFICE NOW!
}
} You owe the oracle a first model commodore 64.
--- 1449-08 --------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: Tim Chew
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> How would Bob Dylan gain entry to the afterlife if he were
> flatulent on his death bed?!
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} There's more than one way to play a wind instrument.
--- 1449-09 --------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein)
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Oh Oracle most wise,
>
> Are biosolids good for one's skin?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} They reduce the thickness of the skin. People who rebel at the mere
} though of sludge, and won't have anything to do with it, seem to have
} no complaint about biosolids. Compare the use of "tub of exceptional
} fertilizer" in place of "crock of sh*t."
}
} You owe the hungry and carnivorous Oracle some vegetarians.
--- 1449-10 --------------------------------------------------------------
Selected-By: Klone (aka Daniel V Klein)
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
> Grand and elusive Oracle,
>
> What do human brains work faster the more they know,
> but computers work slower when they have too much data?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
} Because even the cleverest of brains is idiotic compared to
} the cheapest of computers, in terms of memory.
}
} Therefore the factors that become significant for performance
} when a *truly* large amount of data is involved (such as searching
} algorithms) never even comes into play where human thought is
} concerned. So if Shakespeare is trying to figure out a sonnet,
} he only has to search through a linked list or array of... what?
} 100? 1000 experiences tops? Wow. Big (O) friggin' deal.
}
} So the more humans know, the *benefits* of having more data is
} noticeable (ie. not having to acquire it, or recompute it), but the
} *drawbacks* are not significant at that stage.
}
} You owe the Oracle a computer that can actually shift down all elements
} of an array by one from some arbitrary position in the middle all the
} way to the end, so that insertions can be done in constant time, as you
} would insert a book into the middle of a row of books in constant time.
}
} Perhaps at the Omega Point humans will know enough so that they can
} make computers that perform faster the more data they have to process.