From oracle-request@cs.indiana.edu Fri Aug 21 08:21:09 1998 Received: (from daemon@localhost) by sunos.cs.indiana.edu (8.8.7/8.8.7/IUCS_2.18) id IAA17128; Fri, 21 Aug 1998 08:21:09 -0500 (EST) Date: Fri, 21 Aug 1998 08:21:09 -0500 (EST) From: Internet Oracle Message-Id: <199808211321.IAA17128@sunos.cs.indiana.edu> To: oracle-list@cs.indiana.edu Subject: Internet Oracularities #1043 Reply-To: oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu X-Face: )/f9dPAX/dU$1Z!U(/?A PiIJvIOtcN@L.>6,2OKd."T#S7b*{feRf.Kns23^P9.Ak{GdWWv]0*1E}RJ)_idU:(5VkN*_+bB kyrnLfC12B>V/q=z32:05`EcAd.!z#3k]h)O!ZU^E"f`@),(2WT X-Planation: X-Face can be viewed with ftp.cs.indiana.edu:/pub/faces. === 1043 ================================================================= Title: Internet Oracularities #1043 Compiled-By: Steve Kinzler Date: Fri, 21 Aug 1998 08:21:09 -0500 (EST) @@@ EL ORACULO! @@@ @@@ I'm pleased to announce here a new Oracle for the Spanish language. @@@ Run by Carlos Yoder and Joaquin Perez using software by Germano @@@ Caronni (of the German-language Oracle), this new Oracle is available @@@ at . As usual, send a message to this @@@ address with "help" in the subject to get started. To find out all about the Internet Oracle, including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line. Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 1043 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 1038 86 votes 4disn fqph3 6qrcf 4eqtd 2gEp3 clxe6 5cyr8 7wre6 4fjtj 8rqi7 1038 3.1 mean 3.6 2.6 3.0 3.4 3.1 2.8 3.2 2.8 3.5 2.9 --- 1043-01 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: mchevalier@WELLESLEY.EDU The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Double-plus good Oracle! > > Is it the future yet? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Hmmm. HOI! ZADOC! } } [Zadoc the priest comes shuffling into the room backwards on his knees } as is his wont. Approaching The Oracle's Throne, Zadoc bows so deeply } that his head touches the ground and several large invertebrates } scuttle out of his hair and outside to freedom.] } } Oh most wise and beneficiant master, before whom I am unworthy of } assuming any posture that would be conclusive evidence that my backbone } is in one piece. What golden task is it that thou wishes thy most } unworthy supplicant to do, and does it invove standing up, as I'm not } sure I can now? } } Zadoc, this supplicant wants to know if it's the future yet. } } Then why don't you tell him O master. } } That would be too easy Zadoc. Instead of just doing it, we have to have } a big conversation about it that drags on for over one hundred lines. } } It was you! You wrote all those Batman scripts didn't you! } } I may have answered a few questions from the script-writers, yes, but } that's not the topic at hand. Why is it hard to tell the future from } the past? } } I don't know master. But O master, why are you asking me, you know the } answer? } } True, but I only called you in because I knew that you would bang your } head against the bit of floor with the dirty spot and clean it up, but } since you're here, I might as well make use of you. You're the straight } man, and I'm also a straight man. } } Shouldn't we have a funny man too O master? } } Nope. I'd like there to be at least *some* chance of this being } digested. } } [Assembled minions all mumur "oooohhhhhh, handbag."] } } Zadoc, it's very hard to tell between the future and the past because } the future looks just like the past execpt that it's not quite as good. } } Is not your age showing master? } } Would you like your bones to be showing to buzzards in the desert } Zadoc? Or perhaps your fleshy bits to be showing to pirana in the } Amazon river? I thought not. If it's difficult to tell whether it is } the future, what should the supplicant do. } } Ask The Oracle of course. } } Apart from that. Because the future is an unobservable, the supplicant } needs to postulate an observable effect of it being the future which } can then be searched for. } } Genius. What effect should the supplicant search for? } } Zadoc, what is your favourite comic? } } Dan Dare, pilot of .... the ...... future? } } Yes, if it's the future, then it will be obvious because Dan Dare's } around. All the supplicant has to do is find Dan, and hey presto, the } question's answered. Yes, supplicant, search for Dan Dare, pilot of the } future, master of the spaceways, master of disguise and faster than } a speeding locomotive. } } But master, it's Superman who's faster than a speeding locomotive. } } I told you Dan was a master of disguise. Zadoc. Dan Dare, travelling } through space at up to 1000 miles per hour. } } [Both The Oracle and Zadoc roll their eyes skyward at this] } } Zadoc, prepare to send the supplicant the full listing of the top 1000 } pornographic web sites. } } But why master? } } Remember, *I* know where Dan actually is. We've got to corrupt this } supplicant if he's any chance of finding Dan. Don't forget to include } some rubber fetish sites too. } } Ah, so it *is* the future then if Dan's actually around. } } Possibly Zadoc, possibly. Remember, I can see into the future. } } And what will happen master? } } All those people being cryogenically frozen are barking up the wrong } tree. It's Monica's dress that super-technological future generations } are going to be extracting DNA from for re-animation. } } But master, the supplicant grovelled with 'Double-plus good Oracle'. } Surely he wanted a 1984 parody as an answer, not an answer that } goes off on a tangent about Dan Dare. } } You're new at this, aren't you Zadoc? } } Yes supplicant, search for Dan Dare. Find him and you have your answer. } } You owe The Oracle a Big Zadoc is Watching You poster. --- 1043-02 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Mike Nolan The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Most secretive yet oddly accessible Oracle; > > What if any connection is there between pancakes and flying saucers? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Can you keep this to yourself? OK, then, the connection, at least in } the case of Lisa's pancakes, is that they are both hard disk-shaped } objects with properties more aerodynamic than comestible. I'll tell } you--oops! } } Nothing, dearest one--just preparing to ZOT this impertinent } supplicant. He dares impugn your cooking! Yes, I'll be down to } breakfast in a moment. My taste buds frolic at the thought! } } Sorry, Supplicant. I have an unfortunately pressing engagement. On } your way out I advise you to avoid that cloud of smoke coming from the } kitchen window. } } You owe the Oracle a starving dog that will fit under the breakfast } table. --- 1043-03 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: MCHEVALIER@WELLESLEY.EDU The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Mr. Oricle my name is Adam I'm 4 years old and I want to know why I > didnt get a new byke for Christmas this year? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } } } Santa: This is Claus. } } Oracle: S.C.! What up? } } Santa: Ho, Orrie. What can I do y'for? } } Oracle: Got a question from a kid named Adam. Wants to know something } about a bike he didn't get. } } Santa: Adam? No last name? } } Oracle: Sorry. } } Santa: Let me see what I can come up with on the database. } Okay...typing FIND "ADAM" AND "4" AND "BIKE". Well, I'm getting about } 9,000 hits here. You're going to have to be more specific. } } Oracle: Try "bike" spelled B-Y-K-E. } } Santa: Byke? Who the hell spells "byke" with a Y? } } Oracle: C'mon, c'mon, just do it. } } Santa: Okay. Hmmm...nope, spelling it with a Y just gets me zero hits. } Hey, I've got an idea. If this kid's got some kind of spelling problem, } do you suppose his letter to "Santa" got sent to "Satan" instead? } } Oracle: Possible, I guess. That's a good idea. } } Santa: Ho, ho! Yeah, you wouldn't believe how many mail screw-ups the } two of us get. I have a whole room full of torture devices that } mistakenly got sent here instead of hell. } } Oracle: Yeah? Well if they aren't yours, why are you keeping them? } } Santa: Well...um...well...see, there was this Elf Union work stoppage } in early '92... } } Oracle: Ah, never mind. I gotta split. } } } } } } Satan: Prince of Darkness. } } Oracle: Meph, it's Orrie. What's up, baby? } } Satan: Hey, how's it going? } } Oracle: Say, listen, I was just talking to Claus. } } Satan: Claws, the Eternal Tormentor of the Fifth Nether Plane? } } Oracle: No, Claus with a "u," as in Santa. } } Satan: Oh. That fat jackass still owes me a "Midget Twister." What do } you want with him? } } Oracle: Would you have mistakenly gotten a "What I Want For Christmas" } letter from a 4-year old named Adam? } } Satan: Oh, yeah. Stupid kid wrote "Satan Claus" on the envelope, and } asked me for a "byke." } } Oracle: Ah. Mystery solved. So I take it you didn't give him a "byke." } } Satan: Please! Who am I? } } Oracle: Master of Evil. } } Satan: Naturally. I gave him something else? } } Oracle: What would that be? } } Satan: A cursed "Hooked on Phonics" kit. Works just like the regular } kit, except the kid'll *really* get hooked on phonics, to the point } where you just can't shut the kid up. } } Oracle: So? The kid'll be a little talkative. Big deal. You call that } evil? I think you're slipping a little, Meph. } } Satan: Au contraire. Do you know who the last kid I gave the cursed } "Hooked on Phonics" kit grew up to be? } } Oracle: Who? } } Satan: Pauly Shore. } } Oracle: Ooooh...you heartless, evil S.O.B.! I'm hanging up on you now. } } Satan: Too-da-loo, U.O. Hahahahahaha... } } } } Okay, Adam, here's the deal. I can tell by the way you spell that you } haven't delved very deep into your "Hooked on Phonics" kit. Please, } please, just *ditch* the thing immediately, and I'll put a good word in } to Claus for you. Until then, just stay in pre-school and DON'T LET } YOUR PARENTS RENT "BIO-DOME!" } } You owe the Oracle your lunch money. --- 1043-04 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Joshua R. Poulson" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > WAKE UP INCARNATIONS! FOUR AM RISE AND SHINE WIMPS EVERYONE DROP AND > GIVE ME FORTY TOP TEN LISTS NOW! > > It's hard work sure, I ached in parts of my brain I didn't even know I > had, but my dad had been an incarnation and his dad before him and damn > it, I was going to be one too. If only I lived thru boot camp with > Sgt. Lisa. > > I CAN'T HEAR YOU! AND YOU CALL YOURSELVES IN-CAR-NATIONS?! I DON'T > THINK SO! EVERYONE OUTSIDE NOW, OBSTACLE COURSE BEFORE BREAKFAST! > > I've never been so tired, I musta looked at 27,000 lame replies > yesterday alone. Some of the others had cracked up already, but not > me. I am going to be an incarnation if it kills me trying. > > MOVE IT MOVE IT MOVE IT! IT'S GOING TO BE SEPTEMBER BEFORE YOU KNOW IT > IN-CAR-NATIONS! > > The obstacle course is hell. First there was the remailer bog, gooey > juno crud mixed with hotmail and yahoo stuff, it was more tiring that > difficult to get thru. Then there was the morality leap, some real love > questions and poignant pleas, you had to leap over them and land right > on a joke without anyone getting hurt. Then the writer's blockwall... > > MOVE IT IN-CAR-NATIONS, THAT WORM ZADOC COULD DO IT FASTER! > + + + + + + + > > Do you have what it takes to be an incarnation? > > Anyone can say askme, it takes guts to get digested. > > Consult an Internet near you for information. > + + + + + + + > > Well, Mr. Oracle? We think such an ad campaign will help your bottom > line. Better incarnations equals happier supplicants equals more > questions equals more tributes pouring into the Temple coffers. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Well now, a campaign to lure more incarnations isn't a bad idea, but I } think you're not in touch with the needs of the current generation of } our target audience. They want it _easy_ not _hard_! Here's what I } think will work better: } } [Scene: Paradise Island, sun, wide shot of the bay, white sand, palm } trees. On the water: a big yacht. Camera zooms in on yacht. On the } foredeck is a wisened old gentleman, with a surprisingly muscular } bronzed body. There's a sleek laptop lying next to him, and he's } holding a martini. Ten half-naked nubile young firm-bodied girls are } lying around him] } } Oracle: Can you believe this? Yesterday, I was a spotty kid in } Birmingham, surfing the net. Today, I am an omniscient God and I have } all this! Sounds impossible? Well it isn't. You, too, can have all } this and more! Just become an incarnation. Point your cybersurfboard to } www.internet-oracle.com, and start writing! You know you want this! } [fondles left thigh of nearest babe and winks playfully at the camera] } } You owe the Oracle a shoot on location --- 1043-05 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: MCHEVALIER@WELLESLEY.EDU Wed Aug 19 09:53:07 1998 The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Class, Tate! Knuckle pressups ichi ni san shi go roku shichi hachi qyuu > juu. Situps, ichi ni san shi (continue for about half an hour). > > OK Class, we've got a special class tonight. Og-sensei has graciously > agreed to come along and demonstrate Bou-dou, the use of a big spiky > club. Has everyone brought along a taped rolled up newspaper like I > asked? Good. OK, I'll pass you over to Og-sensei. > > Og here. Og show class how use big spiky club. Og ask all make pair. Og > ask one black belt come front of class. > > [An eager black belt does so] > > Og de-mon-strate first tech-nique. Og ask all pair do same Og. > > [Then what happened?] And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Og say, "Club to the head" Nyeah Nyeah --- 1043-06 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Mike Nolan The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oh, mighty Oracle, grander than a canyon, greater than a lake, more > incredible than a hulk or a shrinking man, please tell me -- > > I've heard something about a new geological theory -- maybe you can > explain it for me. It's called "commemorative plate tectonics"...ever > heard of it? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Bow before my superior knowledge, puny one. } } This is how it all started. A few years ago, two eminent Geologistic } brother, Doctors Franklin and Pobjoy Mint, discovered a revolutionary } method of predicting tectonic activity, and saw an oportunity to make } lots of money. } Pobjoy (who was never in the best of moods after finding out that he } was named after a despicable and sickening sexual act popular in } Belgium) postulated that the survivors of earthquakes and eruptions } would be inclined to buy plates commemoration the event (presumable } because all their own plates would have been shattered into a million } pieces. } } Franklin thence set about gathering a host of artists skilled in } rendering volcano scenes and collapsed freeways, and before } long the pair were making money hand over first. } } You owe the Oracle the original "Dogs Playing Poker". --- 1043-07 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Julianna Avedon" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > O wise Oracle, thou who always let's Harry Harrison parodies go back > into the queue if thou hasn't read the book in question. > > "Trooper! HALT!" > > "Bowb!" Bill the Galatic hero raced up the road, cursing his new > foot which seemed to be that of a small rodent, perhaps a woodchuck. > In any case, it was much smaller than the other one which cased > certain problems with balance as any student of Newton's laws of > physics could predict. > > "Bowby MPs, can't a fella go AWOL occasionally?" Seeing the MPs > closing on him, Bill fired with his teeth-fur ray, and was granted > a few seconds respite while the MPs picked at their gums. Seeing a > door to a palace open, he dived through it barrel rolling across the > floor, and coming to a halt in front of a large throne. Actually Bill > could have just walked through the door in time, but he always barrel > rolled into palaces just in case there were any ravishing princesses > around that he could impress. > > Looking around, Bill saw four figures, a wormlike creature in Priest's > robes, a ravishing beauty who looks just a bit too knowing to be > an innocent princess if you know what I mean, some sort of caveman > carrying a large club, and a majestic form sitting on the throne, > wearing glowing robes. Summing up the situation he turned his > attention on the majestic being, at least until who he figured out > if any of them had the hots for the babe and had any better weapons > than what Bill was carrying. Which was pretty likely since Bill's > weapons had been raided from a travelling dental cream salesman and > only seemed to make people's mouths feel unhygenic. > > The godlike being spoke. "Nice tusks." > > "I got them from my drill seargent." > > "Deathwish Drang." > > "You know? You know Deathwish Drang?" > > "Of course, I know everything." > > "Listen, I'm in a bit of a tight spot, could I hide out here for > a bit. And if you had a spare foot, it'd be greatly appreciated." > > "Fool! Grovel before The Oracle" said the worm. > > "Why?" > > "Because if you don't, he's going to Zot you into your component > molecules and mix your ashes with rodent droppings before watching > them swirl clockwise down the bathplug." > > The worm's logic convinced me. I grovelled. I kissed his feet. > I polished his throne with the tip of my nose, I made a brush from > my nosehairs and cleaned his shoes with them. I produced a scapel > and cut all of my mucous membranes from my digestive tract to fill a > pillow for him. I had just started aiming my tongue at his sensitive > regions when he spoke; > > "That enough. You may rise." > > [Then what happened?] And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } "After all, Angeli...ehhh...Lisa wouldn't be amused." } } With that, there was *BOOOOM* as a towering form, perfect in all } ways appeared in a flash of ZOT. Next to him was an even more } ravishing woman, wearing what she termed a swimsuit, and what } most men would term dental floss. The figure entoned, "I take a } little vacation, and this is what happens? No one has ever } dared to impersonate me. There is only one possible } punishment." With that, the form raiseded his mighty Staff of } ZOT. } } Slippery Jim Di'Griz, realizing when a con has ended, gave his } wife a knowing nudge. The pair nimbly jumped, tumbled, and } generally dodged the volley of ZOTs the Oracle sent after them, } before escaping out the back to their waiting spaceship. } } "And you, Zodac, have a lot of explaining to do," the Oracle } boomed. } } "Well, umm, you see, the, and, but, of course, and he, well, } seemed..." } } "Silence worm. I'll hear it later." } } Bill, realizing that the situation had changed, muttered an } inaudable "Well then, I'll just be going..." } } Just as he started to creep away, he felt the Staff of Zot stick } into his back. "Not so fast. You come into my temple, you owe } me a grovel. And a good one this time. Maybe Jim is willing to } take that easy stuff you just did..." } } You owe the Oracle the same grovel and a new Stainless Steel Rat } book. --- 1043-08 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Forbes, Michael Scott (Scott)" The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Springer: "And wellcome back to y'all. Today's subject is: I ZOTTED MY > LOVER'S LOVER. We've been hearing some rather disturbing stories today. > Here's my next guest..." > > (Looks at card he holds, turns card, lifts his glasses, again looks at > card.) > > Springer: "..., the Internet Oracle, known to some as the Usenet > Oracle. Mr. Oracle, I must say, that's a really neat outfit..." > > (Laughter and hissing from the public.) > > Springer: (still grinning) "So. Mr. Oracle. You say you zotted your > lover's lover. What's your story?" And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } TIO: Yes. There he was, swimming up the fallopian tubes when ZOT!, the } bottom feeding scum was dead. } Springer: Wait, you zotted a sperm? } TIO: Yes. } Springer: What, are you suggesting that a sperm was your lover's lover? } TIO: No. But he would have been. } Springer: He would have been? Are you not, perhaps, being just a little } paranoid? } TIO: Not at all. That sperm would have grown up to by my lover's toyboy } in about eighteen years time. Besides, zotting the sperm saves a } lot of trouble. It's not illegal for a start. Who, apart from my } lover of course, is going to miss one sperm out of millions? } Springer: That doesn't sound very brave. I mean a big man like you } against one tiny sperm. I think you're a coward. Why don't you } pick on someone your own size? } } (boos and hisses from the audience) } } TIO: Let me assure you, I'm no coward. Who else apart from me is } prepared to bare-handed wrestle the mighty Tyrannosaurus Rex? } Springer: Hah! Big man picking some great 'brave feat' that of course } is completely impossible to prove. You fraud! } TIO: Not in the least. Knowing you would say that, I brought one along. } T-Rex: SKREEEEEEEKKK!!!!! } Springer: HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL. GET HIM OFF ME GET HIM OFFF ARRRGGHHH!!! } T-Rex: } TIO: Good boy Craggie. Here's the bar of chocolate I promised you. } T-Rex: (nudges The Oracle familiarly as TIO scratches under his chin) } } You owe The Oracle (incarnated as clemenr@wmin.ac.uk) an explanation } of who this 'Springer' character is. --- 1043-09 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: MCHEVALIER@WELLESLEY.EDU Thu Aug 20 11:25:50 1998 The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > O Oracle, whose transportation gets more than 100 MPG in the city and > well over 150 MPG on the highway, this poor misbegotten supplicant > grovels helplessly in the presence of your arcane genius, in hopes > that you can answer this question... > > I live in a city that just got one of those computer cable hookups that > gives you really, really fast speeds. I hooked it up to my Commodore > 64, but it doesn't make it go any faster. In fact, I can't assess the > World Wide Web at all. Not to be beaten, I hooked up my cable modem to > my Chevy Nova, thinking that it would make it run smoother and faster, > because I know that TCI is much more dependable than that Texaco dealer > down the street. But the other day, I was on a major street at a > stoplight, and one of those new VW Beetles beat me off the line and > embarrassed me. > > Why doesn't anything work? Is there something I'm doing wrong? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Dear supplicant, } } The problem is not with your cable modem. The problem is with the } devices you are trying to connect it to. } } Solving the problem with your Commodore 64 is relatively easy. Type } in and run the following short program: } } 10 POKE 1024,63 } 20 POKE 197,0 } 30 POKE 828,PEEK(49152) } 40 SYS 64738 } } It is important to make sure that Compute!'s Gazette's "Automatic } Proofreader" is running before you run this program. This will } configure your C-64 to accept the greater speed from the cable modem. } } The problem with your Chevy Nova is more difficult to solve, but it } can be done. You will need a 220V generator, an electrocardiograph } machine, a coin-operated gumball machine, three boxes of baking soda, } two cups of vinegar, and a Macintosh LC III. You can substitute your } Commodore 64 if you don't have a gumball machine. } } Unfortunately, I cannot give you detailed instructions here, because } the process involves chemical reactions that create a precursor to } crystal meth, which means that it is illegal. I will upload these } instructions directly to your C64, so be sure the cable modem is } connected for the next few hours. You will need to have a terminal } program running that uses the Punter file-transfer protocol. The file } will be in Lynx compressed format, and as a special gift to you, my } faithful supplicant, I will include a few custom-designed "Jumpman Jr." } levels. Enjoy. } } You owe the Oracle a cable modem hookup in Baltimore, you lucky } bastard. --- 1043-10 -------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Dr. Noe The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Most Laodicean Oracle and Master of Laputa! You are our Lupercal > of Knowledge! > > Which state will be the first to successfully split off and leave > the USA? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } President Conner slammed his fists on his desk, again. Not many people } were still awake to be bothered by it, though, and those who were knew } better than to complain. He paced around the war room for several } minutes, and finally sat back down. He shouted over the intercom for } another coffee. } } He stared at the 3d map hovering in front of him. There really wasn't } anything on the map he hadn't seen a hundred times before; as long as } the war had been going, he had spent the better part of each day } looking at this very map. But he looked at it anyway, spinning it } around to see the familiar views from every side, checking and } rechecking his plans. } } There was no doubt about it, the war was not going well. It was } certainly not lost -- the newspapers had, in fact, been rather } optimistic recently -- but it was still far too close for comfort. } Every piece of the plan was crucial: every attack, every feint, every } defense. The President started pacing agian. After the disaster in } Spain, there was really no more room for error at all. If anything } went wrong now... } } Katie burst into the room with the requested coffee and a few sheets of } paper. } } "Where have you been?" inquired the President. "I called you ten } minutes ago! Don't you know we're at *war*?" } } "I'm sorry, Mr. President." It had not been ten minutes, or anything } close, but there was no point in making the President any angrier. He } had a job to do, and the country depended on it. "I'll be quicker next } time." She set the coffee down and turned to leave. } } "And what are those papers you're holding?" he asked, irritably. } } Katie sighed. "Nothing important. I wasn't even going to show you } these until tomorrow. It's nothing that needs your immediate } attention. You should stay focused on tomorrow's plans." } } But the President had already snatched the papers out of her hands. } "Notice of Secession?" He flipped quickly through the pages. "One of } our own states is *seceding*? At a time like *this*? What do you mean } this isn't important? Which state? You know we can't afford internal } trouble at a time like this! This could cripple the war effort! Why } weren't you going to tell me about this?" } } "Really, Mr. President. Read the second page. It's--" } } He went on, ignoring her. "This war relies *critically* on every part } of the country! Name a state, I'll tell you what we would happen } without it." He paused, but only for effect. "Florida? We need the } missile sites for the launch Tuesday. Montana? We couldn't possibly } do without the covert bomb facility. Even Idaho--" } } "Mr. President, it's Canada." } } The President paused. "Oh. Why didn't you just say so? We have a } spare platoon in Washington, don't we? Have Johnson annex Canada back } first thing tomorrow morning. And don't bother me with things like } that any more. Can't you see I have a war to run here?"