From oracle-request Mon Apr 10 12:46:10 1995 Received: by moose.cs.indiana.edu (5.65c/9.4jsm) id AA13268; Mon, 10 Apr 1995 12:46:10 -0500 Date: Mon, 10 Apr 1995 12:46:10 -0500 From: To: oracle-list Subject: Usenet Oracularities #722 Reply-To: oracle-vote X-Face: '0b2xC}Fg0Z6}wg?(CMkyOY?Mjh@$OR;gORd)phLm"X%ygJV(M7'!~+DSZy?Ck3! FR%|G!qEbv>t/RbK(Z9%Lj/u.GsW4z8m\c'F3(D0przTCuHs5~F#p{J7iy[MAqFy dq9A~o%*m"]A@9*BlHpfC$6n15zn{NECTul!=kFoZ)%!9Ytr%xS,%\XHT`<`|JB\ GEc6!ERG`4!+)^2?\7d{xuQMym*Jap,CMSC]3X#u_,u3oNaAU+aQFe[FoCJ>>Q(a U+EG0Blu$:fWEj+usu@bv1>d?3ZJR?/"_yl0 X-Planation: X-Face can be viewed with cs.indiana.edu:/pub/faces. === 722 ================================================================== Title: Usenet Oracularities #722 Compiled-By: "Steve Kinzler" Date: Mon, 10 Apr 1995 12:46:10 -0500 To find out all about the Usenet Oracle, including how to participate, send mail to oracle@cs.indiana.edu with the word "help" in the subject line. Let us know what you like! Send your ratings of these 10 Oracularities on an integer scale of 1 ("very poor") to 5 ("very good") with the volume number to oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu (probably just reply to this message). For example: 722 2 1 3 4 3 5 3 3 4 1 717 113 votes NAj54 jvuo9 hrGl6 eKui5 ouopa alxyf 9fmyx 4jqBr 9tFr7 7xuz8 717 2.9 mean 1.9 2.8 2.8 2.6 2.7 3.2 3.6 3.6 2.9 3.0 --- 722-01 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Joshua R. Poulson" The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > When reading data from multi-byte registers over the > embedded EOC channel on the ISDN U interface (as in > Bellcore TR-897), what order should the bytes be > read in? The TR doesn't seem to specify. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } That would all depend on the interlocking crux of the inverse bit map. } Most ISDN signals travel on the outside of the dielectric which would } inverse the multi-threaded layer of the step. } } You owe the Oracle 4 bytes and a nibble --- 722-02 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Joshua R. Poulson" The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > how to get into world wide web And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Like the silken web of a spider there are many ways into the world wide } web. The principal categories of entry are 1) as a spider; 2) as a } meal; 3) as something so big that it destroys the web. Where species } best determines how you enter a spider's web, your temperament } determines your fate in the www. Supporting access to the internet is } necessary (LAN connection, PPP, SLIP, etc), next a browser that reads } the HTML files (e.g. Mosaic, Netscape, etc), and that is about it. } Internet connections are getting easier and easier to find with } Internet Access Providers all over the world. Browsers are available } from many locations on and off the internet (Compuserve, FTP, etc). } Enter the web as a spider and, like the spider, mutual of omaha will } (wait, sorry, wrong commercial). Like the spider, you will find many } valuable treasures. Enter as a meal and the vastness will devour you. } Enter as a destroyer and the web will engulf you, sticking to your } unprotected skin, and the angry spider will bite you over and over. } Go now, my disciple, tread softly on the web, and its riches shall } exceed your mildest dreams. --- 722-03 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Michael Nolan The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Does anyone know what happened to the coffee house that was once > accessale to internet users? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } It's still around. Here's a copy of their advertisement that I pulled } off of http://www.javathehut.com/: } } * * * ANNOUNCING Java the Hut, the INTERNET COFFEE HOUSE!! * * * } } Yes, this is for YOU! You're a hopeless geek who doesn't know what } the sun looks like and who hasn't had a date since 1989, but you'd } really love to be part of that cool coffeehouse scene you've heard so } much about! Jazz poets and bebop chicks spending the whole night in } wild intellectual abandon, and then going off to their "pad" to } fulfill their wild erotic fantasies! } } Now, with the INTERNET COFFEE HOUSE, you can have all this without } leaving your computer! How, you ask? We transport you to our } far-out North Beach coffeehouse, Java the Hut, through the miracle } of CBTP, the Coffee Bean Transport Protocol! All you need is our } low-priced COFFEEHOUSE-IN-A-BOX kit to be groovin' with the beat } cats and their hep chicks! } } How does it work? You "drop in" to the coffeehouse by logging on from } your own computer, using our special software. Once logged on, you } can order a cup of Kona while listening to digitized multimedia } beat poetry and "groovin'" with the other cool cats at Java the Hut. } Through the miracle of digitized .GIF images, you can "see" the } way-out swingers who love to hear wild jazz poetry every night! } } Our COFFEEHOUSE-IN-A-BOX kit includes: } } * PPP software to connect your Windows computer to our CBTP server } * An RS232 adapter that attaches to any Mr. Coffee (TM) } coffeemaker, to automatically brew your cup of java when } you "order" it from our online CyberWaiter } * Five pounds of ground Kona coffee in a recyclable stainless- } steel tin } * A CD-ROM version of the Complete Works of Allen Ginsberg, } William Burroughs, Jack Kerouac, and Gary Snyder } * A black artist's beret of authentic combed felt } * Five packets of cigarette papers } * Two ounces of Colombian marijuana(*) } (*)oregano substituted where required by law } } All for the special introductory price of $249!! That's less than } round-trip air fare to San Francisco!! } } For more information, visit our WWW site, or send e-mail to } hepcat@javathehut.com! --- 722-04 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Carole S. Fungaroli" The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > O most sublimely comprehending Oracle, whose perceptions pierce the > veil of mere appearance, whose wisdom spans the expanse between the > circumstantial and the eternal, whose knowledge encompasses all that > was, is, will be, or could be, and what could not be, please grant me > an answer to this: > > I have been perplexed by this conundrum for ages. Although "up" is > the opposite of "down", it is not true that "breaking up" is the > opposite of "breaking down". Even more disturbing, "in" is the > opposite of "out", but "breaking in" is not the opposite of "breaking > out". Please explain to me the complexities of this situation. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } When God implemented human natural language processing, he had just } been spending a lot of time playing text adventure games. In } particular, he was hooked on Colossal Cave. He thought it was really } a hoot that there were rooms where directions weren't reversible, } so if you typed "south" you might wind up in a twisty maze of little } passages, but if you then typed "north" you'd butt your head up } against a Dead End, and so on. He was just a young enough deity at } those days to think it would be really entertaining if human languages } worked that way most of the time, too. } } As poor Adam discovered, the first time he tripped and fell down in } Eden. This was before Eve had been created, so he spent a lot of } time talking to himself, and the dialogue went something like this, } God providing the responses in a really tacky echo-chamber-voice- } from-nowhere: } } >Get up } Magically, a horse appears underneath you. As you say "get up!" it } gallops off frantically, tearing through the Garden at breakneck } speed. You can't remember: are you mortal? Uh-oh!! } >Get off! } What do you want to get off? } >Get off horse! } You want to get a horse off? And *you're* supposed to be free } of sin? Gross! } >Get down! } You don't know how to get down, you're Jewish! } >Get out! } No, really, I mean it! } >Get from } Get from what? } >Get from horse } Horse, schmorse, I don't know from horses! } >Go off } The horse disappears as you metamorphose into a large string of } firecrackers. One after another, you begin to explode with sharp } popping noises! } >Go on } You continue to explode with sharp popping noises. } >Go out } You don't have a date! } >Burn out } God, you're tired of being a string of firecrackers. You just can't } bear the thought of getting up one more day to spend eight hours } popping. You are terribly, hideously depressed, and quite suicidal. } >Burn in } Magically, you metamorphose into a newly-built Pentium computer } undergoing a 24-hour burn-in test prior to shipment! What's this? } Oh, no, floating-point division error! No one notices! You are } infected with a deadly sin! } } --And so it went. Before long God got bored with the constant need } to provide responses to Adam's input, so he decided to create Eve } to do it for him. The result was something like what happens if } you hook together two computers running ELIZA to talk to each } other, and so continues to this day. } } You owe the Oracle a copy of Deborah Tannen's latest book. --- 722-05 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Michael Nolan The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Our Oracle who art in Indiana, hallowed be thy domain name, please tell > me: > > What are the 15 Workstations of the Cross? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } No such thing. But here are the Greater Trumps ... } } 0. The FOOL: a manager using a SPARCStation 413,1432 to run a } screensaver. } } 1. The MAGICIAN: a hacker with a Mac, a Pentium box, a Sparc, and a } Cray on the table in front of him --- all running the same program } with the same GUI. An infinity sign is over his head. } } 2. The HIGH PRIESTESS: a woman holding the Documentation, closed and } concealed. The crescent moon is showing on an Indigo behind her. } } 3. The EMPEROR: Steve Jobs sitting on a NeXT cube, holding an optical } disk vertically in his hand. } } 4. The EMPRESS: A secretary with a NeXT Machine. } } 5. The HEIROPHANT: Bill Gates with two flunkies kneeling before him, } their faces averted, offering him floppy disks. He wears a laptop } computer on his head. } } 6. The LOVERS: a PowerMAC and an IBM Power PC exchanging software as } an angel bathed in glory regards them. } } 7. The CHARIOT: A man in a chariot, hurtling up an exponential curve, } drawn by the twin sphinxes of Technology (black) and Culture } (white). } } 8. STRENGTH: A woman holding the entire design and implementation of } Microsoft Excel in her mind as she corrects the final error. An } infinity sign is over her head. } } 9. The HERMIT: An old hacker, white-bearded, burns the midnight oil; } its Star-of-David flame illuminates his keyboard. } } 10. The WHEEL OF FORTUNE: A rotating wheel. Cray is on the side going } down, despite its good technology; Smalltalk is opposite it, and } C++ is sitting on top. Four winged beings -- a mouse, a turtle, a } dog-cow, and a human -- look on. } } 11. JUSTICE. A cold-faced woman holds a calculator in one hand and a } delete-key in the other. } } 12. The HANGED MAN: A programmer is tied by his ankle to a cable duct. } His phase is completely shifted: he awakens at sunset, he sleeps } at dawn. His monitor is reverse-video. He programs on, } flawlessly, oblivious to his circumstances. } } 13. DEATH: A skeleton weilding a scythe surveys a field, on which are } scattered PDP-11s, Apple ]['s, IBM 360/91's, Xerox Alto's, and } many other machines. } } 14. TEMPERANCE: An angel stands with one foot on her chair and one on } the floor, as she copies files from one disk to another. A cursor } blinks from her chest. } } 15. The DEVIL: The goat-headed Lord of the Pit stands on a pile of } Windows manuals, holding an inverted torch in one hand. Two } humans, male and female, are in chains at his feet. } } 16. The TOWER: An ivory tower is struck by a bolt of lightning. Two } robed figures, denied tenure, are hurtled to the ground. } } 17. The STAR: A Mac is running its `warp' screen saver, in a transient } fragile moment of peace. } } 18. The MOON: A wolf and a jackal are typing at two PC's. A crayfish } crawls out of a pool, offering suggestions that may ultimately } prove deadly. The moon shines through a window. } } 19. The SUN: A naked child riding a winged rocking horse programs } clever applications on a high-quality workstation. } } 20. JUDGEMENT: An angel blows a trumpet; all over the net, web pages } arise, to be rated Cool or not. } } 21. The WORLD: A woman dances on the clouds, unclothed, unencumbered, } in a ring of clouds, a 3-d mouse in each hand. The four winged } beings from the Wheel of Fortune surround her. --- 722-06 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: dsew@packrat.aml.arizona.edu (David Sewell) The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Do we exist as sublime manifestations of a Greater Intelligence, or are > we just worms with eyes? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Shut up and keep digging. } } You owe the Oracle a sidewalk to go to when it rains. --- 722-07 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Michael Nolan The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > why do little rabbits spread chocolate eggs during Easter? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Well, to tell you the truth, we started out with the real stuff...that } got to be impractical as the baby boomers emerged. (Too many kids, not } enough eggs.) So we moved on to chocolates. } } -An easter bunny --- 722-08 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: "Alyce Wilson" The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Where can i go to meet someone to take to my semi? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Try the Teamsters -- if anyone would take to a semi, it's them. } } You owe the Oracle a truck suitable for wheeling West Virginia. --- 722-09 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Ian Davis The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > O Oracle - whose knowledge is deeper than a very deep thing please > answer me this: > > What is a split - infinitive? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } The split infinitive is a plague of modern times for the Omniscient } Oracle and His chums. In the old days, having slightly tarnished } infinities was seen as a sign of good health. If they were a little, } er, redolent of the passing of ages, that was seen as a benediction, } not a curse. } } Then came technology, the invention of the concept that Cleanliness Is } Next To Godliness. At a stroke, life changed for Joe H. Immortal. } The Passage of Time was given an enema and the Cloak of Darkness was } sent to the dry-cleaners for a spot of retexturing. } } The mania for hygiene in all things, and the Oracle _means_ all } things, was taken too far. That which is cleansed overmuch suffers by } its treatment, and the ends of That Which Is Without End began to } crack. Soon they were peeling beyond control, and it became necessary } to take drastic measures. We had to trim Infinity! Well, it was } getting a little too long, anyway. } } Don't worry, you'll never notice, your Universe wlll destroy itself } long before anyone mortal could spot the change... } } You owe the Oracle a bottle of conditioner. Henna, for preference. --- 722-10 --------------------------------------------------------------- Selected-By: Katharine Hepburn The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > What the hell is Food Acid and why do we need it in food products? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Whoa, whoa, calm down there, buckaroo. First, let's see a little } groveling. } } [The supplicant's mouth starts moving. A high-pitched voice appears to } emanate from within, but the lips don't quite match.] "O Almighty and } All-Knowing Oracle, I offer my deep, deep apologies for using 'hell' } unnecessarily in my question. It was a mistake that I can only } attribute to years of movies and television, but the media can only } take part of the blame. I should be more careful about what I blurt } out. I am sorry." } } [It was funnier back when Edgar Bergen did it.] } } Now, then, where was I? Ah, yes. } } "My great-great grandfather was killed in a parachute accident 100 } years ago." } } They didn't have parachutes 100 years ago. } } "I know. That's how he got killed." } } [I just can't turn down an opportunity for comedy, 'cause, quite } frankly, there isn't much of it in the real answer to the question.] } } Food Acid was only recently approved for use in the United States, } which makes me a little surprised that you're seeing it in food } already. You must live in one of the test markets. } } Food Acid is a product of DuPont, makers of better things for better } living. It's a method of ensuring that you don't eat bad food. Here's } an example of how it works. Say there's Food Acid in a box of Frosted } Flakes. When you first open the box, you have 100% of the cereal. But } upon contact with air, Food Acid goes to work. A week later, you've } eaten half of the original net weight of the box. You should have 50% } of the original amount of cereal, but Food Acid has been hard at work, } so you now only have about 46%. } } But then Cracklin' Oat Bran goes on sale. Since you enjoy its oatmeal } cookie taste, you buy a couple of boxes and eat that for a while. A } couple of days, you eat some of the Frosted Flakes for variety, but } it's mostly those big brown O's. } } Eventually, you run out of Cracklin' Oat Bran, but you still have the } box of Frosted Flakes. Or do you? It's been three and a half weeks, } and you should have 20% of the original amount of cereal...now stale, } though. Instead, you have a few crumbs at the bottom of the box...and } that's it. You've been prevented from eating stale cereal, and your } taste buds and tummy have the magic of Food Acid to thank. } } Food Acid works similarly in all products. Coming soon, fruit injected } with Food Acid...Diet Pepsi with Food Acid instead of freshness } dating...and new Clothes Acid to keep you from wearing out-of-style } clothes. } } You owe the Oracle a vat of the forthcoming Usenet Acid, which goes to } work immediately upon contact with Spam. } } Say goodnight, supplicant. } } "Goodnight, supplicant."